Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
