There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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