Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
