im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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