I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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