Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
