all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize