I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
