Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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