I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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