morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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