I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
