Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
