..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
