I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
