the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
