he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch