I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.