i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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