I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
