I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
