for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
