I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
