I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm always down for nudity.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
