It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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