I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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