She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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