Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
