i already hear my dad disowning me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
