you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
