is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
