Are we in a gay sports bar?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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