dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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