i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
