I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
