I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
