both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
