i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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