I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
