Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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