So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
