HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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