Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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