I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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