I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
