Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
