i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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