I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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