I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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