I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
