I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jerry, you need to find god
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
