im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
