I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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