I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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