rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
