so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
