you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
