I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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