I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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