So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
