The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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