sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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