Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
