this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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