nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ttyl tear gas
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
soo... how was my night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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