why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
our cab driver is having phone sex.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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