Three words: puerto rican gang bang
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
