just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
